The question I am asked most often is, “is it an actual addiction or just bad behavior and they got caught?” My answer is “yes” and “yes.” Sex addicts, like most addicts looking for a fix, don’t make good decisions. Part of the disintegration of addiction involves the escalation of risky behavior. What once gave the addict a high (pornography) doesn’t work anymore so they move on to more dangerous conduct (sexting, prostitution, massage parlors, etc.). I think the real intent behind the question I get asked most is to try to decipher if those with sexual addiction get a pass for their behavior or if they’re just womanizing jerks. I won’t try to untangle that and don’t judge anyone’s situation. The truth is that almost every single man I’ve encountered with this addiction has experienced some type of childhood abuse or neglect; started on the path of this addiction in their teen years; wish they weren’t struggling with this addiction; find it debilitating, shameful, and feel a lower self-esteem and depression as a result of it; and don’t enjoy hurting their spouse. I haven’t met one man that loves living the dual life.
Now, about the brain of the sex addict. Brain scans of sex and gambling addicts show that just thinking of the addictive activity lights up the nucleus accumbens. Process addictions, like sexual addiction and gambling addictions, cause a high that is created by the activity and not by a drug. The person’s own brain creates the high with a dopamine surge. Process addictions are hard because the addict can hide them.
Time is a huge factor in the sexual addiction battle. Men who have tremendous shame and guilt surrounding their behavior want to get help. Working a specialized recovery program, time, accountability/support, and counseling are all factors that can help the person with SA to gain victory. When in recovery, a man struggling with SA isn’t engaging in risky behavior anymore. They, like anyone else struggling to overcome an addiction, try to live in rigorous honesty and make amends for the hurts they’ve caused. To work recovery and find success is more than possible. If you’re struggling with a sexual addiction in Fort Collins, Greeley, Windsor, or Loveland, contact Mending Hearts Counseling today!
