Intimacy Anorexia is the silent cancer of marriage. -Dr. Doug Weiss
Those who have trouble with intimacy or have issues with attachment actively remain distant from their spouse. But intimacy and attachment issues exist in marriages in the grips of a sexual addiction! Many marriages in which there is a past childhood trauma also experience IA. The eleven characteristics of IA include:
- Busy—Those with IA stay so busy that they have little to no time available for their spouse.
- Blame—Those with IA blame or put responsibility on their spouse for problems in the marriage.
- Withholding love—Those with IA actively withhold love the way they know their spouse wants to be loved.
- Withholding praise—Those with IA don’t share with their spouse the positive qualities and the positive impact they have on their life.
- Withholding sex—Some with IA withhold sex. If they are not withholding sex, they refrain from being emotionally connected with their spouse during sex.
- Withholding spiritually—Those with IA might be religious or spiritual but do not connect spiritually with the spouse at home.
- Unable to share feelings—Those with IA can’t share true feelings with their spouse because it is challenging and risky.
- Criticism—Those with IA use ongoing and ungrounded criticism to create distance with their spouse.
- Anger/Silence—Those with IA use anger or silence to push away, punish, silence, or control the spouse.
- Money—This is the least common IA feature but when it exists, those with IA will use money to control or shame the spouse.
- Roommate—Oftentimes the spouse feels that the person with IA is their roommate rather than their spouse.
You don’t have to live in a marriage that is intimacy-free any longer. You can find relief and no longer feel neglected in your marriage. Counseling is key to dig deeper into why the person with IA is withholding in the first place. I also offer faith-based approaches (if requested). I have received IA training and incorporate this therapy with Gottman Method Couples Therapy approaches (see Gottman Method Therapy page). Using these two methods, we can tackle defining the causes of intimacy issues, improve intimacy, and find healing in your marriage.
START THE HEALING
Don’t let another day go by! If you live in northern Colorado (Fort Collins, Greeley, Windsor, Loveland), get help for intimacy anorexia today. Call to make an appointment. I’ll return your call within 24 hours.
