I’ve seen a fair share of clients lately who are really struggling with their emotions in the midst of finding out their spouse has been lying to them or committed infidelity. This is what is known as betrayal trauma. Regardless of their partner’s act, the general emotion is essentially the same. You feel so stuck in your emotions. You go around and around in your head about how your life ended up this way and you wonder if you will ever feel the same again. How does one move forward when experiencing betrayal trauma?
Allow yourself time to grieve
Depending on when you discovered the betrayal, you need time to process your feelings. There is no timetable to when you will feel “normal” again; often it can take up to six months before you are even sleeping regularly again. Let yourself cry. Go easy on yourself and take time for self-care. This article is about self-care during betrayal trauma.
Surround yourself with support people
I’m very cautious when I ask my clients to find a person they can talk to and lean on. Oftentimes this is just your therapist to start out. I don’t recommend sharing with family members since you don’t know what the future holds and it can be hard to reconcile your partner to family members. If you have a pastor or spiritual support person, they can be helpful. Be careful when expressing to friends because even the closest of friends could have the best intentions and say some hurtful things that will make it hard for you later. I’ve counseled women who say their best friend told them that their partner tried hitting on them. Or have said things like, “I always knew he was a loser who would do this to you.” These aren’t words you need to hear right now. This can cause a lot of additional heartache. Be cautious. You will find out all that you need to know in due time. Finding out you are now dealing with double betrayal will only be worse.
Keep a journal through betrayal trauma
Find out more about that here.
If you are struggling with betrayal trauma and you live in northern Colorado area of Fort Collins, Loveland, Greeley, Windsor, Severance, or Johnstown, contact Mending Hearts Counseling today at 970-545-1111 or at this link to set up an appointment.
