As couples recover individually and together from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma, I like to encourage physical exercise. If they are willing to engage in some form of exercise together, even better. We all know that exercise is good for us for so many reasons, but physical exercise done with a partner increases accountability and can draw you closer to one another. It’s a lot harder to make up excuses about not exercising when a partner is ready and waiting to start a workout. And though you might not be in the best place in your relationship, exercising together doesn’t require a lot of sharing. The act of just doing something together that is good for you individually and together can be the first step to rebuilding a bridge.
It is not at all uncommon that amid sexual addiction, the spouse who is struggling with the addiction is likely spending a lot of their spare time looking at pornography or engaging in behavior that supports their addiction. Exercise, social relationships, and spiritual endeavors fall by the way side. It’s also not uncommon in this dynamic for the spouse/partner of the person struggling with sexual addiction to not be able to pinpoint what feels wrong in the marriage exactly (because the addiction is being hidden from them) but for them to have a sense of loneliness, wanting, and even depression. This plays out by the spouse then either overeating to feel better or over-exercising to channel their hurt somewhere physically. Both situations are common. Whether your marriage has sexual addiction, intimacy anorexia, betrayal trauma, or you are just not connecting the way you used to—give exercise together a try.
Start by just taking a walk together. You don’t need to go far, you don’t need to even speak—the point is not that you attempt to solve or discuss anything. Just be and complete the activity. Your brain will release endorphins and you will be in a much better mental space to give your situation some thought. Give it a try. It’s a good place to start.
