You might have heard this term in circles of mental health, addiction and recovery, and trauma-related situations. It’s a good analogy. I like to use it in reference to betrayal trauma and infidelity counseling. The question I get asked the most in this area is: Will my marriage survive this? Or variations of this question, which include: What are the chances my marriage will make it? Do marriages recovery from infidelity? Will I ever be able to get past my hurt and stay in this marriage?
Marriage Number Two
My answer for those who are come to my office with the desire to restore their current marriage is that your first marriage is over and done. Some marriages don’t survive it if the desire isn’t there by both parties or various other reasons too numerous to go into. For those seeking to stay together, our goal in couples counseling for infidelity is to make sure marriage number two is different. They’re staying with their partner but the marriage needs altering. The way they previously operated needs to change. There are reasons why the first marriage wasn’t working. It was broken. But broken crayons still color. The hurt and pain caused by infidelity is immense. The first order of business is to process the infidelity. John and Julie Gottman, founders of Gottman Method Couples Therapy, say that a couple needs to fully process a searing incident otherwise they can’t let it go. They say that once a couple is able to grasp the mistakes and find meaning and something to grow from, they can let it go. This obviously takes time but it’s possible to come out the other side and be a stronger couple.
If you live in northern Colorado area of Fort Collins, Loveland, Greeley, Windsor, Severance, or Johnstown and want to set up a counseling appointment, contact Mending Hearts Counseling today at 970-545-1111 or at this link.
