The fourth characteristic of Intimacy Anorexia is withholding praise. Refer back to previous blog posts about other characteristics of IA, including busy, blame, and withholding love. When someone with IA withholds praise, they don’t share with their spouse the positive qualities that they love about them. They don’t comment when their spouse looks pretty or handsome. They don’t tell their spouse they’re a good mother or father. The spouse who is not receiving praise is left wondering what their spouse married them for if they can’t ever seem to find anything nice to say about them. You can imagine what a lonely and hard existence it would be to live in a marriage in which you never receive praise.
Like the other characteristics of IA, withholding praise is a purposeful action to create and maintain distance in the marriage. Studies of orphans and children who have been neglected or abandoned show that when they don’t receive touch or affirmation that they then suffer. These children grow up with disabilities and even have stunted growth and abilities. Though we’re dealing with adults in IA marriages, you can imagine that not receiving any words of affirmation or praise can lead a spouse to want to have an affair or have a low self-esteem. These adults also suffer in a marriage in which they receive no love. If you or your spouse have some IA characteristics, there is hope.
Mending Hearts Counseling serves clients who live in Fort Collins, Greeley, Windsor, and Loveland, Colorado. Contact MHC today at 970-545-1111 to make an appointment to discuss Intimacy Anorexia.